Dependence

For so long I’ve wanted my body to disappear
I was so ashamed
so insecure.
I just wanted to be invisible.

I was worried sick someone might hear my thighs rubbing together.
I was scared people would stare if they saw me walking by.
I didn’t want my shoes, my steps to make any sound.
I wanted to be invisible
and inaudible.

For so long my mind was screaming at me
Anxious about leaving the house
anxious about being seen.
I just wanted to disappear.

It took me longer than I’m willing to admit
to see that I am supposed to take up space
to be seen and heard.
May my body make as much noise
may my clothes not perfectly fit.

I need to accept my flaws
I need to embrace myself.
Let people stare even if they might not
Uncertainty is made by voices in your head
shut them up and dance in silence.

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