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body dysmorphia

BDD - Body dysmorphic disorder Ember Evanescent - But I'm not dysmorphic ... right?      You know why I'm obsessed with makeup? You know why I literally BREAK. DOWN. when I see myself in the mirror on one of those REALLY ugly days that I have? You know why I seem f!cking vain and beauty obsessed and attention seeking because of how self-deprecating I am? You know why I am currently crying...alone...on my bedroom floor...kind of pathetically? Because now I'm a little bit scared That maybe I DO have a disease of the mind Maybe I DO have something in my head that isn't right It just seems so impossible Because I mean I look in the mirror And all I see is this hideous shameful beastly girl So ugly In fact, I genuinely feel terrible for the people who have to look at me and I don't know why I just don't see how anybody could ever possibly think that I am pretty And for some reasons I'm crying right now And I feel really alone But no no no There is no way I re...
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Schmerz

Bild
Da sitzen, die Tränen langsam in die Augen aufsteigen, nur fühlen, der Worte kein Grund unterliegt – stillschweigen. Innerlich tot, deine Lebenskraft fortschreitend versiegt, niemand sah deine Not, schwerelos, gefühllos, schwebend – es fliegt. Ein dunkler langer Tunnel, was dein Blick sieht, ehe es plötzlich geschieht, blinzeln. kraftlos, machtlos, sinnlos, dein Leben weiter fliesst, atemlos, nutzlos, leblos du stirbst. © Adina K.
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Broken smile

To the outside I'm this cheerful girl On the inside I'm broken to a million pieces. I look happy all the time, being nice to everyone,  still a bit shy though.  I'm the girl next door. Well at least I seem to be. I'm smiley and friendly.  But no one sees the insecure me. The me that's fighting every minute of the day to accept herself and tries not to cry because she's ashamed of herself. No one sees the me that needs to be saved.  Because I'm the girl that cares about everyone. That will always help and be nice to you no matter what.  But when I go home I'm alone. No one's available who cares for me.  I'm the girl with the broken smile who will try everything to make you feel better. Because I know how it is to feel worthless. I know how it is to be on the bottom, fearing to look up to the stars. 
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