BDD - Body dysmorphic disorder Ember Evanescent - But I'm not dysmorphic ... right? You know why I'm obsessed with makeup? You know why I literally BREAK. DOWN. when I see myself in the mirror on one of those REALLY ugly days that I have? You know why I seem f!cking vain and beauty obsessed and attention seeking because of how self-deprecating I am? You know why I am currently crying...alone...on my bedroom floor...kind of pathetically? Because now I'm a little bit scared That maybe I DO have a disease of the mind Maybe I DO have something in my head that isn't right It just seems so impossible Because I mean I look in the mirror And all I see is this hideous shameful beastly girl So ugly In fact, I genuinely feel terrible for the people who have to look at me and I don't know why I just don't see how anybody could ever possibly think that I am pretty And for some reasons I'm crying right now And I feel really alone But no no no There is no way I re...
I am 21 now. Literally just at the start of my life. And I have been fighting my very own body for more years than I can count. I am 21 and I have never felt more empowered than in this moment right here. I have spent so many years fighting my body. It was never enough. I was never enough. As I kid I was bullied because I was 'big'. When I hit puberty I got hips, boobs and just wider in general. I started working out like crazy and I was finally skinny. I almost felt worthy. I almost felt pretty. But my hair was never the way I wanted it. My skin had more blemishes than I wanted. I was too small. Since 14 I stand at 5'6 and I dreaded it. My feet and hands were too big. I always loved swimming but at one point I dreaded myself in a bathing suit. I didn't want to show my body this vulnerable. I stopped swimming. I started hidding myself. I broke off relationships. I felt bad about myself. I started eating to fill...
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